Dance with My Father: a memoir – Prolog

PROLOG

A story of a little girl who always think she never has enough.

Tadinya Saya berpikir akan menjadikannya sebuah buku.
Tetapi dengan situasi dan workload saat ini, rasanya masih terlalu jauh mewujudkan nya. But it’s too precious to keep it for myself.

fatherdaughter dance2It is a story of a journey of life from a little girl who always think that she is a princess, but in her teenagers, youth, and young adult time, she did a lot of turn around, rock and roll, stepped on the foot, out of breath ~ while she dance with her Father, her creator, her King.
The consequences took her to an understanding that she was not (and never be) a princess. In fact she just a dumb, ugly, unloved, unseen, dirty, sinful young woman who never be wanted by anyone in this world.

It took me a lot of courage to share this with all of you.
But writing in this blog is one way to step out from my self, from my pride, and show the world how fragile woman I was.
Only by the mercy and grace of God I reach today. This will be a story of God’s mercy in my life on this extraordinary year of mercy.

This is a second chance of life I live and I won’t take it for granted.

And there goes my story:

Angin sejuk menerpa wajah Saya.
Air dingin terasa di pergelangan kaki Saya.
Saya seakan terjaga dari tidur yang panjang.
Dada Saya terasa sesak, rasa nyeri yang tidak tertahankan seperti menusuk dan menekan dada Saya.
Kepala saya juga terasa sakit dan pandangan Saya berputar.
Mual dan ingin memuntahkan semua isi perut keluar.
Saya berpikir saya
sedang bermimpi buruk.
Tetapi tidak… ini alam nyata.

Ada di mana saya?

Berikmangrove forestutnya yang Saya rasakan adalah rasa takut karena melihat sekeliling yang tidak Saya kenal.
Pepohonan bakau, celana panjang yang basah hingga ke paha.

Saya melihat jam tangan yang melingkar di tangan kiri Saya… 4.17 sore.
Saya berusaha mengingat apa yang terjadi pada diri Saya, tetapi tidak mampu rasanya otak ini diajak berpikir.

Setelah mengatur nafas dan berusaha meredakan tangis, akhirnya saya memutuskan berjalan ke jalan setapak yang terlihat di belakang saya.

 

Melalui semak-semak yang membuat saya demikian ketakutan dan terus bertanya: “Bagaimana saya bisa sampai di sini? Apa yang terjadi dengan saya? Apa saya sudah gila? Mengapa hati ini terasa sakit sekali? Apa yang terjadi….???”

Kemudian saya kembali menangis histeris sendirian…
ketakutan…
kesepian…
dan merasa terbuang.

(to be continued)

About whittulipe

A woman, happy wife, daughter, sister, friend, medical doctor who have a passion to proclaim hope that radiates from the gift of life through writings, medical science & living the true calling of womanhood. Brasali is my surname. Ariefano is given name from my hubby. whittulipe is my nick name on virtual world. You can call me: l i a. I am an ordinary woman with an extraordinary life. I am a woman in process. I’m just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience, and learn from it. Life is never dull. I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear. Happiness keeps me sweet. Trials keep me strong. Sorrows keep me human. Failures keep me humble. And the best of my life I have God that keeps me going! My life mission: Mewartakan pengharapan yang memancar dari anugrah kehidupan melalui tulisan, ilmu kedokteran, dan penghayatan hidup sebagai perempuan. My value in life: hope, courage, aunthenticity, generosity. So help me God!
This entry was posted in SangPuteri and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s