Soar High – Fly Higher with My Fear

This is crazy. What on earth am I doing here…? I am starting to have hallucination and disorientation after 30hours flying.
Yes… It all started with a song: We are the World and a glance of TV’s advertisement to save children in Africa.
I was 13 years old back then.When I saw that short documentary, there was a deep feeling moving in my heart. I feel like I need to be there. For what? I don’t know. But I just know that I need to be there. If I don’t know what to do, then I just be there helping whatever I can or to be their friend or whatever.
My mom who has been so imaginative to tell me about the world.
She never go outside Indonesia at that time, but she always has a dream to see the world.
So as the first child, her daughter, she pass on that dream to me as a story
She even told the story of Jesus with pictures and map.
She told me about kings, queens, and princess with fairy tales and a map.
She bought a globe to give me pictures and ideas of how big the world you live and most of all how big is our God who created the world.
And then life took me to a decision. I entered Medical School. That desire keep rhyme on the deep side of my heart although it seem fading because I was in a relationship and my boyfriend and I were very different in this kind of point of view…. But honestly I was not fighting enough for what I want in life.

So this idea of knowing many things in this world (as a background) made me here.
Years later… I decided to work again as professionals. This company I work has a program. It’s like CSR program… And this year they manage 4 project to Haiti, Peru, Papua New Guinea, and sorry I forget one of the place.
When I saw this program I know that I have to join this challenging program. But I have to wait 1 year as an employee there before I can join the program.
So after 1 year I submit my self to Peru Volunteers Service Trip (VST) project.
Why Peru? Because at Peru I will volunteers my self as a Primary Health Service at the Women’s Health Clinic. I always have a passion for woman. So here I am… and I will meet poor, uneducated women at Andean Highland.

I observe the movement of my heart from the 1st time I write the submission letter for this VST, when I get interviewed, and when I received the news that I was accepted. And then there was a juggling feeling when I know I put my team in country to a difficult situation because of my VST, but then it was solved… I can go!!!

And then I feel one funny feeling. I say it funny, because I felt this kind of feeling before. But this time it feels soooo different…
One side or maybe I can say 2/3 of my heart feels like paralyze. Can’t move. Numb. Blaming and even cursing myself of the dumb decision that I made which make me have to go more than ten thousand km from my comfort zone.
But on the other side… Small piece of my heart…. Feel that courage. The ability to dance with the fear. To fly with the fear for more than 30hours. The small piece but have a very deep and I can feel it physically how warm that feeling and it feels like I can soar mountain and hugs every woman there with love. I close my eyes and imagine their smile, and it gives me unspeakable strength. Like now. I write this from 35000 feet and I still have 3hours and 35minutes reaching Lima. I am so tired. Physically and I feel like I never reach the destination.
But when we feel that small part of our heart that burn by something deep and meaningful, Esp after I wrote it one by one in this journal… I feel like I am alive again. That’s how strong and powerful the desire of self giving.Yes It all started with a deep desire of a young girl to give herself to humanity in the name of God’s love.

But then, that noble deepest desire fading because too many failures, bad self image, and hurts that made me think why I have to care of somebody else if I can’t feel loved. What can I give? How can I give? I even don’t have myself.
But our creator know the deepest desire of our heart. Like in this trip, I feel that this the sign of God’s faithfulness in my life. He fulfill it customized, one by one, like the way He created us.
TinTin in PeruI have Peru in my heart from years ago… Funny isn’t it? This ‘always European orientation’ gal have a feeling for South America..  I remember  I put Peru in my trip list after I read Tin Tin in America years ago… (Almost at the same time with when I saw that African children on TV).
Since then From time to time I did a research on Inca-Maya stories….
And today yes I visit Peru but to be more specific I will spend 10 days working at CerviCosco Clinic at Cusco which is the heritage city of Inca-Maya heritage.
See how God works not only just give it away?
But He is being soooo specific and detail. All we need is to be specific and detail to what and how we want to make it happen. Especially how that dream can be a blessings for others.
As for me… The process to make that dream come true is my reward. So I have a responsibility to make the result of that dream to be blessings and goodness for others.As I said before… i am afraid, yet excited… Not knowing of what will be happen there, how can I survive, waking up to the unknown… Make me afraid. But knowing that I am here today because of the courage I had yesterday to spend the night and waiting for tomorrow… Hope always there to give us a brand new day…. And in this case… In this VST I choose to dare to live giving something of myself to others. Even when it seems there’s nothing more left to give.

I know God is with me all the way. To whom I shall be afraid?

Writing this with the back ground of song Dare to live (Vivere) from Andrea Bocelli with Laura Pausini

Try looking at tomorrow not yesterday
And all the things you left behind
All those tender words you did not say
The gentle touch you couldn’t find

In these days of nameless faces
There is no one truth but only pieces
My life is all i have to give

Dare to live until the very last
Dare to live forget about the past
Dare to live giving something of yourself to others
Even when it seems there’s nothing more left to give

But if you see a human
In front of your entrance
Who sleeps wrapped in a box,
If you would listen to the world in the morning
Without the noise of the rain.
You are that one who can create with your voice,
You think with the thoughts of people,
Of the God who is just the God.

To live, no one has ever taught it,
To live, it’s impossible to live without the past,
To live is beautiful even if you have never asked for.
It will be a song, someone will sing it.

Dare to live searching for the ones you love,
(Why, why, why, why are you not living tonight?)
Dare to live no one but we all,
(Why, why, why, why are you not living now?)
Dare to live until the very last,
(Why, why, why is the life not the life?)
Your life is all you have to give (Because)
You have not lived the life!

Dare to live until the very last,
(Why, why, why is the life not the life?)
Your life is all you have to give (Because)
You have never lived.

I will say no (I will say yes)
Say dare to live
Dare to live

16 Oktober 2014
Flight LA to Lima

About whittulipe

A woman, happy wife, daughter, sister, friend, medical doctor who have a passion to proclaim hope that radiates from the gift of life through writings, medical science & living the true calling of womanhood. Brasali is my surname. Ariefano is given name from my hubby. whittulipe is my nick name on virtual world. You can call me: l i a. I am an ordinary woman with an extraordinary life. I am a woman in process. I’m just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience, and learn from it. Life is never dull. I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear. Happiness keeps me sweet. Trials keep me strong. Sorrows keep me human. Failures keep me humble. And the best of my life I have God that keeps me going! My life mission: Mewartakan pengharapan yang memancar dari anugrah kehidupan melalui tulisan, ilmu kedokteran, dan penghayatan hidup sebagai perempuan. My value in life: hope, courage, aunthenticity, generosity. So help me God!
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